But I was also rather childlike in other ways, ways that I have retained to different degrees. As a child I was bullied almost from the first time I met other kids, or used and betrayed by them. I got along with adults more because most of them treated me well. Since I never got along with my peers, though, I ended up withdrawing into worlds of my own making. In those worlds I was a hero, I could do anything, and people my age and younger liked me and loved me for these things.
It was, of course, all and illusion. I've been struggling to find my way out of this inner world. It hasn't been easy, and I still prefer to withdraw. I've found lots of friends my age and older online, and that's helped. I am still trapped by some of the restrictive aspects of my childhood, including my laziness and my slow speed, as well as the above mentioned withdrawl from reality. Though I have also been blessed with some of the positive aspects of childhood... including a wonder at the universe, massive amounts of creativity, a love of art, and a refusal to let everyone else tell me what to believe.
I am a Pagan now, and my three main Deities - Shao'Kehn (Goddess of Chaos), Her consort Ahndahn (Goddess of Order), and Nahtahdjaiz (Child Goddess of Children) - have been helping me with my problems. All three of these I call Goddesses even though they are hermaphrodites... and I am male but I have always felt like a hermaphrodite myself.
Working with Shao'Kehn and Ahndahn is some interesting inner work, and helpful, but I find Nahtahdjaiz to have a fascinating perspective on my inner workings. She is the personification of Childhood, so of course she would see things through a child's eyes. Shao'Kehn has an ability to see through the clutter and state the obvious, but I find Nahtahdjaiz to have a child's innate skill at simplifying things. But enough of that.
Oh, by the way, I found this forum while looking for forums concerning art. :-)
Looking forward to being here.
EDIT: How serious is this place? I mean, is it okay to explore one's inner child (positive aspects of one's adult child) in here? I wouldn't want to do anything outside of the spirit of the place.