May 26th, 2004


my emdr session-ptsd related memories

Phew... wow. I had a intense session with Phyllis. I never expected to have much of a reaction from EMDR but I think I did. First let me set this up for you. Yesterday I was a mess. I was totally irresponsible at some points during the day. I was late to the first client and then because it was alreadyy a half hour into the next client's session I organized my trunk more. I then went to Ocean State Job Lot and bought more makeup and stuff. I was there so long I had to buy fast food so I would have something to eat since I hadnt had anything at all yet to eat. Yes I ate McDonalds! I had a Mc grilled piece of crappy ick. The fries are ok tho. But I ate that poison.

I arrived at my 1pm client and she wasnt there. I walked in the unlocked house and she wasnt there. I called my office from her place and found out the client had lost insurance. Damn. I hope she gets it back. If I hadnt of been galavating so irresponsibly I would have gotten the message since it was left in my machine at 945. I then went home for a bit and then went to the next three clients which went ok. I then yay got to see essenceofthemus I made dinner there for me (she ate her ramon) and we watched Impromptu with her and I liked it. I ate too many merenguie cookies...

But I felt this huge ass need for control this past weekend and this week. I shudder when I have to be here at times. I feel so out of control here.. so disrespected so insignificant ... I told this to Phyllis and we did EMDR about it.... what an intense process... Collapse )