October 22nd, 2002


(no subject)

I got blasted last night (told off or wahetver words you want to use) by Ryan last night. Its funny how when someone accuses me of things I sit and really think everything they say is true. I try to make it ok..try to make them not mad at me. Maybe this has to do with the manyt verbal attacks I got from my mom. Being called a piece of shit and being blamed for her being upset all the time..and me saying no mom no Im not but really thinking yes I am. I am still fighting those words. I am disappointed in you. I dont like you. When will I be free of those words those mean mean words that are imbeded inside me? I do think Ryan was being an ass. I think he asked for honesty and I gave it. He got his feelings hurt when I told him what he had told me back then. Then he says I bring up the past when he is the one who asked me how it was for me the last time he and I were intimate. It felt like a trap set for me so he could get his anger out at all women onto me. Fuck that. I am a good person. I know my trust sucks but I am working hard on it. The pain inflicted on me the words spit out by my mother and classmates well that is so hard to not believe..every day I doubt my worth at some point in the day....