June 19th, 2002



It seems while I have been off trying hard to gain control of my life... I have not peeked in on this community as much as I should. I read the most recent entry and felt a lil sad that the purpose and intent of my community that I made for all who joined may have gotten lost along the way. I felt the need to clarify it. This comminity can be anything anyone wants it to be but I just want to reinforce that there is a key trauma survivor component to it. That said I hope my lil clarifcation does not offend anyone. I have a hard time asserting myself being an adult child and all but I am trying. Here is a poem I wrote a bit ago
Adult Child
Wanting to crawl back into the box
deep into the mental cave
where no one can come and shine the light upon me
and make me warm only to back away
leaving the warmth behind them

Wanting to climb into the shell
but then people will listen to my sound
only for a little while and then throw me back into the sea

Wanting to stop building the social bridge
that allows me to reach others only for them to untie the rope
so I am left stranded here

Wanting to dance amongst
all the brightly lit colored people so we can sway together
only for them to knock me down and move away

Must grow, must change
must get over it
must break out of my protective bubble
but oh is the air so cold
and I am afraid it will sting me

Wanting to walk calmly
with steady heartbeat
so I will feel at peace
and will just be happy
with whatever comes my way
and trust that the people who do
will not go away

Wanting to stop seeing all of my days
as exercises and hurdles to conquer
only to be sad when I realize I am not ready
I reach out
I try
I hope
I dream
The little girl peeks out of me
wanting to say hi
I force her too and she is scared
and she crawls into the corner mad at me
for pushing her
she was happy drawing
and listening to songs
and singing softly to herself
When she is ready
she will let me know
-much love soulstorage