August 7th, 2001

fucked up

so last night i fucked up i dont realy rember writing that other post..but errrr... im dying in side. i totaly threw a hissy fit cause i was drunk and didnt want to be told what to do. i embarrased and disrespected my father. this morning he informed me not to be in the same room with him if i am home till i move out. and i just kept bringing up my mom during the whole hit me hit me hit me fit..he locked me out threatend to call the sherrif saw all my cuts i laying on the poarch banged and banged yelling i love you i love you i love you..and today im crushed i cant fix anything..he was drunk ..hes allways drunk. not only did i make out with a faggot by forcing my self on him (hes bi...but has a boy friend) i asked about ever one to fuck me.....i made one big complete ass out of myself. and i need to move as quickly as possible but lisa keeps changing the plans..fuck....yesterdayi was doing so great now i have an emergancy apt with my shrink on thursday...and my case manager. and if we dont make the income requirments for these apartments and i lose the one i have on hold already ill be living in a tent in the woods.i wanted to cut i wanted to die i really really wanted to die.....sitll do..but im not going to try anything. but screw me now..dad will never want to be around me for the rest of my life.
  • Current Mood
    crushed crushed