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07 August 2001 @ 06:57 pm
so last night i fucked up i dont realy rember writing that other post..but errrr... im dying in side. i totaly threw a hissy fit cause i was drunk and didnt want to be told what to do. i embarrased and disrespected my father. this morning he informed me not to be in the same room with him if i am home till i move out. and i just kept bringing up my mom during the whole hit me hit me hit me fit..he locked me out threatend to call the sherrif saw all my cuts i laying on the poarch banged and banged yelling i love you i love you i love you..and today im crushed i cant fix anything..he was drunk ..hes allways drunk. not only did i make out with a faggot by forcing my self on him (hes bi...but has a boy friend) i asked about ever one to fuck me.....i made one big complete ass out of myself. and i need to move as quickly as possible but lisa keeps changing the plans..fuck....yesterdayi was doing so great now i have an emergancy apt with my shrink on thursday...and my case manager. and if we dont make the income requirments for these apartments and i lose the one i have on hold already ill be living in a tent in the woods.i wanted to cut i wanted to die i really really wanted to die.....sitll do..but im not going to try anything. but screw me now..dad will never want to be around me for the rest of my life.
Current Mood: crushedcrushed