May 25th, 2001


(no subject)

I changed the picture on here. I found this lil pic of me drawing when I was five or six? I was always drawing. I was so good at copying my Mon yelled at me for tracing but I didnt trace honest. Drawing got me through everything. Whatever I drew I would show to people in hopes they would like this day when I draw I hope someone will pass by see what I am drawing stop in their tracks and say "wow that is very good" when that does happen I bounce with joy. I would always show my mom my drawinsg after I was done. I felt if she didnt like them then they werent good.

Me and art have had a love hate relationship. I have been told I cant draw which I know is bullshit. I should post some pics I did back then..may be a hoot. I think I will very very soon. My fashion drawings or portriats of rock stars...but anyways art got me through. I am trying again to draw for me and if people dont like it if I like it then its good to me.

Despite being told I shouldnt go on in art by my high schooll art teacher and in college some nasty criticism..I am still drawing and I am thankful I can capture all the metaphrs within me in pictures, colors..feeling. Childhood may have been so damn painful but I have such gifts because of it...hey this will be a nother post this tangent....


You have no idea how wonderful it feels that there is a community for people like me! I am so happy that I'm crying. I'm anxious to get to know every one of you. Sorry this is so quick, but I have therapy this morning, so I've got to get ready. *Hops*
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I am happy more people have posted on here. It has been so quiet a community. There are so many members who have never posted...I wonder how many of them are still reading....

In my minds eye and especially after some of the recent posts on here I think of this community as a support group. I am here for you all in this continuing struggle towards the balance of teh child and the adult.

I will say that from what I gather alot of our inner kids have been through alot of crap but we in general have turned out creative, empathic, resourceful, smart, loyal and loving. We may be scared we may be anxious,, we may be too much of people pleasers we may have a hard time with big responsibilities sometimes we may have a hard time finding someone to love us like we deserve because maybe we are so starved for love from before. We have both negative and positive side effects from being adult children. We should embrace both because we survived. I think we are all pretty special.

Please dont be afraid to post on here when the spirit moves you. Our kids can play together and our adults can hug and say wow we made it through after all.

(no subject)

I wonder how long it will be before I can go to bed without a light or a tv on...or go to the bathroom with the door closed. I wonder when I will stop talking to myself out loud...or when I will stop feeling the urge to hit or bite my boyfriend when we are joking arond, but the joke stops being funny to me When will I stop throwing fits when he leaves? When will I stop throwing objects when I'm mad?

I like the Sesame Street bandaid on my finger.
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