January 9th, 2001



Why is it that those abused in childhood spend so much of their adulthood learning not to abuse themselves? It seems unfair as it was not the child's fault. They were innocent. They were a victim of the family cycle of abuse, be it verbal or otherwise. I used to scratch my arms when I thought someone was mad at me or when I disappointed them. I have recently learned though it was because someone didn't let me have my anger. I was not allowed to have my feelings. My feelings did not matter. I remember scratching my arms as a way to show my parents I was hurting. I wanted them to see so I could say "Look how upset I am! " but i never did show them. Id be mad at me and hit my had against the wall just hoping to hurt myself cause I was mad at me. When we are used to be hurt when someone is angry we tend to do the same things to ourselves, It is a shame and it is such a pity that we wondrous souls hurt ourselves so much. Life should not be about that. It should be about finally letting out children inside get all they couldn't. Nurturing, love and happiness. I wish all my childlike adult friends:
boxes to play in
brownie mix bowls to lick
legos to build with
crayons to break (i live the snap)
and many many many many many many *HUGS*