January 5th, 2001


Ah Therapy is Getting Intense

This was inspired by my therapy session yestedray with my wondeful Jewish therapist

It happened way back when
we fell inside
and we did not want to leave
it was safer inside
than it was to stay in the red of outside
where were you mother when I needed you
and father why did you not care
when the monsters were mean
and mother why were you a monster
when I just wanted you to hold me
and father why did you throw me away
and crumple up my mind
and squueze my heart
by telling me to leave you alone

The monsters were biting me
and digging into my brain
telling me to believe the horror
telling me to believe the torment
you are what they say you are
you are what mommy says
but where were you unconditional love
to protect me
where were you to help me not subcumb
to the pain
to believe I was a special little girl
with a dazzling smile
and a giggle
who wore granny cats eye glasses
but had a twinkle in her eye
and did impressions
and wanted to laugh
wanted to fly
and wanted someone to show her that she had wings
so she could fly
where were you
so I did not have to go into my head
and dream of escaping to the land of the cloud children?
I needed you Mom
I needed you Dad
so I could be a child
and so I could smile
and I would know
you would keep the monsters away
but how could you
you were the monsters.