January 1st, 2001

anxious

Why

After a revelation on New Year's I realized that I want to work hard on controlling my inner child. I can be an adult and still let the child play. I am going to work on not letting my past get in my way of my present.
  • Current Music
    Nik Kershaw - The riddle
anxious

Being Productive-Empowers Today

Still in my jammies. A nice productive day. I made this community and am tweaking my journal colors. The web site is still calling but so is the shower. Ah a nice refreshing hot steamy shower. Then I will use sweet smelling spray. I got cotton candy and vanilla to pick from. Ill smell like a candy store :) My parents called and I don't feel like talking to them. They left messages on lovely lovely call wave. Today is for me. Ok and my paperwork but Im gonna do that laying down on my bed while watching a movie. I have over five hundred tv/movies to pick from. I wonder why ths extreme love of pop culture. Was this a survival method for me? Getting lost in the stories of others?
  • Current Music
    Electrasy - Morning Afterglow
anxious

Trying to not Stay in my Protective Box Too Long

I am five and sucking my two fingers (the ones next to the pinky) right now. No matter how hard I try to not let it bother me, I do get bothered when I reach out to someone and they don't reach back. I asked a ljer if they wanted to chat to give me their name on the chat thingy. They didn't so I feel regretful and silly and small. I deleted my response in their journal so noone else would know I asked. I wonder when I will be able to let things like this go. Already I have done something I regret but yet if I don't try then I am not letting my defenses down enough to live. Living involves sometimes getting hurt. Perhaps this person will reach back at a later time. If they don't Ill try hard to not take it personally. The world does not revolve around me,,,that is my new manta I shall chant while eating sugary things...the world does not revolve around me and people's lives are not designed to figure out ways to ignore or neglect me.
  • Current Mood
    uncomfortable uncomfortable