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30 March 2010 @ 01:30 pm
Today I accepted that I am a victim of abuse, and that sums everything up.  I didn't want to accept it, 'cause I didn't want to bemoan my lot.  But now, suddenly, I feel very at ease.  
Current Mood: calmcalm
Lisolette: me and Ssoulstorage on August 10th, 2010 11:43 am (UTC)
I am glad you are allowing yourself to recognize you were being abused. Denial keeps us being abused. I hope since you wrote that entry you are no longer in that situation. I had to learn to not have people in my life that were bad for me. Since doing that I have found I am less triggered and each day getting closer and closer to healing. I finally found a guy that I can totally be myself with and let know when he inadvertently triggers past feelings or memories of abuse or fear or neglect. We talk about he hugs me and he learns more as do I. Before him I was with guys that made me feel unsafe, invisible, unimportant and I had to walk on eggshells. It is so incredibly wonderful to not have to deal with those feelings anymore.

Our brains get so used to fighting to survive that our defenses go into play when we don't need them to. They just got so used to protecting us when we needed them to. It takes time to convince that part of our brain that we are ok. There are grounding techniques to help with that...rational thinking ect. If you find it too hard to do on your own a therapist into CBT or DBT can be very helpful. I am a therapist myself and am so glad I have been able to help many adult children but it takes time... a lot. It is not bemoaning to mourn what is..it hurts admitting such things but the thing to do is not allow it to continue and start the healing.

I am so glad that you shared this with us. I am always hopeful that this community I created gives people support and validation. Good luck to you :)