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08 January 2013 @ 05:29 am
1.Do you do anything creative like art,poetry,singing,writing or playing music,dancing or other?

I enjoy crafting, making things for my dolls and take photos of them. I like to write in a journal (many really)

2.Were you been abused as a child or teen?

Yes, most of my life I was by my dad.

3.Do you collect dolls or toys?

Dolls, small trinket toys, stuffed animals (like teddy bears)

4.At what age did you start dating?

I had my first serious boyfriend when I was 17/18. But it lasted 2 years. I had another 2 year relationship 2009-2011.

5.Do you have any physical conditions? Like migraines,ibs,arthritis,fybromialga etc,,?

I have arthritis, dwarfism. Asthma, too.

6.Do you suffer from depression?

Yes I do.

7.Do you suffer from anxiety?


8.Do you suffer from PTSD or other?

I don't know?

9.Are you shy?

Sometimes, depends on my mood.

10.Are you on any anti-depressants or anti anxiety medication or any other psychotroptic meds for psychiatric reasons?

I take it for depression/anxiety

11.Do you have a hopeful future outlook?

Yes and No.

12.Do you take life one day at a time or plan ahead for the future?

One day a time these days. Or I'll panic.

13.Do you trust easily or is it very hard for you to trust?

I think I trust too easily. But I've been trying to change that and really listen to my gut feeling.

14.Do you like art? If so what are your favorite kinds?

I like art. I like pop art. Cartoon art. Simple, colors...

15.What kind of music do you listen to usually?

Pagan/Folk, pop, top 40, 80s, oldies.

16.Name 3 favorite movies.

American Girl: Samantha
Practical Magic
Spirit of Albion

17.Why did you join this community?

I've found a place with like minded people to meet and get to know.
05 January 2013 @ 03:43 pm
Howdy do. I would like a girlfriend who likes to hug in bed and roll around and... That's all, pretty much, well, mostly... I like to be lazy on saturday, roll around and hug. Squeeze sooooo tight! Talk. Embroider. Play my flute. And give butterfly kisses.

I'll wait for her.

Ok, bye.
Current Location: Hooterville
Current Mood: Lazy
Current Music: A Whirring Heater
07 June 2012 @ 05:57 pm
I've recently installed Ubuntu on my computer, and I'm seeing a LOT of software available on its software manager thing. So I'm wondering, if any of you have Ubuntu or other Linux OSes, do you have any recommendations for things to download for my inner child?
I find that i dress generally like either a very feminine and old-fashioned 5 or 6 year old girl (everything pink, ruffly, sailor collars, mary janes or oxford shoes, opaque white tights, big hairbows, pigtails, long dresses, long skirts, ruffly white ankle socks, ruffly blouses, long ruffly nightgowns), or a slightly tomboyish 12 year old girl (blue jeans, denim cutoff shorts, sneakers, ponytails, baseball caps, t-shirts with Star Wars/Sailor Moon/comic books/rock bands, anything baseball related and esp. Atlanta Braves, Airwalks/Vans skate sneakers).
I do identify both of these with the girl i was, and although i prefer my 5-year old self i find that letting her 'come out and play' is hard, even with the simple choice of clothing. My mind (expecting people to dislike my clothing, due to my mother's verbal and emotional abuse and my father's physical abuse) tells me that my fiance' will leave me or cheat on me, because i don't dress 'normal'. He is an exceptionally wonderful, fun and sweet person who has told me many times that he would rather that i dress in the pink, sweet innocent clothes because he thinks i look 'sweet and warm and inviting'. He is fine with the more tomboyish, baseball-and-Han-Solo-and-Green-Day loving 12 year old, but encourages me to welcome and love the 5 year old especially because it is hard, and it's the part of me needing healing. (At age 12 i was being physically abused by a different relative with whom i lived b/c they got custody, but i actually have no anger or pain about it, since they hurt me in a far less permanent way than my mommy.) (Calling her 'Mommy' was very hard just now...sorry for rambling.)
I've gotten teased in the past for being a 'big baby' and it hurt, so i stopped feeling free to be ME.
Now i realise that i don't WANT to be 'grown up'. I want to work so that i can take care of myself in the 'big' ways...but to completely 'grow up'? To give up my calico critters and my dresses and aprons and my Disney Princess movies & music? To give up my ability to look at the world and see the dwarves digging for gold in the woods, or the dragon flying around a mountain, or the fairy dancing in the garden, or the unicorn under the apple tree, or the mermaid in the lake, or the goodness and hope and beauty in everything? To simply accept that people are bad and you can't change them and they won't change and i have to live with them? To stop dreaming, to stop hoping, to stop feeling?
I don't think so.
Sorry if this is just rambling, but has anyone else felt judged by others for the way the dress or something?
Current Mood: curiouscurious
Current Music: Mary Costa as Briar Rose--I Wonder
21 February 2012 @ 08:42 pm
1.Do you do anything creative like art,poetry,singing,writing or playing music,dancing or other?
Yes!! Ballet, writing poetry, singing, ballet, and now i am trying my hand at writing rap lyrics. I love it even when i am bad at it!
2.Were you been abused as a child or teen?
Yes...i was. I lived with my abusers (biological parents) until early February of 2011. It is painful to describe right now and painful to think about always. Physical and emotional and lots of painful scars, esp. from my mother.
3.Do you collect dolls or toys?
Sort of--i had a HUGE collection of Disney Princess stuff. Dolls, figurines, tea sets, blankets, pillows, everything you can imagine. I sold about half of it and donated the proceeds to an anti-child abuse organisation and what i didn't sell, i gave to a few little girls who live near me & my fiance's house, or donated to a local thrift store. I still have a couple porcelain dolls--and i have a few things of The Little Mermaid that i got afterward. I do collect mermaids in general, esp. Ariel, and also Snow White. I also have a few Calico Critters playsets and families which *shifty eyes* I occasionally play with and reenact how i would have liked my parents to act.
4.At what age did you start dating?
21. I was a bit of an ugly duckling, to say the least. I'm not the kind of girl most would date...not "sexy" or "hot".
5.Do you have any physical conditions? Like migraines,ibs,arthritis,fybromialga etc,,?
I have gastroparesis, which is very painful. It's basically gradual paralysis of the digestive system due to nerve damage. In my case caused by poor nutrition and frequent food borne illness as a small child.
6.Do you suffer from depression?
7.Do you suffer from anxiety?
Sort of...panic attacks from PTSD.
8.Do you suffer from PTSD or other?
Yes...only diagnosed in September 2011. My fiance/Prince Charming/Mr Right had me go to a psychiatrist and tell them about the abuse and the misdiagnosis with Bipolar Disorder. I was diagnosed as having PTSD and depression.
9.Are you shy?.
Sometimes, esp. around people i don't trust, or when i have flashbacks. But if i trust people i cut the rug and hang out with everyone!
10.Are you on any anti-depressants or anti anxiety medication or any other psychotroptic meds for psychiatric reasons?
Not anymore!! :D I'm really happy about that, especially since i am getting better now without them!!
11.Do you have a hopeful future outlook?
Yeppers peppers. I worry about the details but i somehow always know that things will work out for the best.
12.Do you take life one day at a time or plan ahead for the future?
I worry about the future, but i generally take life with a relaxed attitude.
13.Do you trust easily or is it very hard for you to trust?
I trust very easily...but if you hurt me i won't trust you ever again.
14.Do you like art? If so what are your favorite kinds?
Yes!!! Degas, because i love ballet...Hieronymous Bosch, fun esp. at Halloween for scaring myself...ancient Egyptian temple art...religious and spiritual artwork...fantasy/sci-fi related (Boris Vallejo, Jonothan Earl Bowser, Amy Brown), and of course, Disney!!
15.What kind of music do you listen to usually?
Hip-hop/rap/R & B, reggae, 90s music, Christian rock/punk, Celtic New Age, and Disney soundtracks make up a large part of my collection :D
16.Name 3 favorite movies.
Aww, only 3? Ok...if one saga or genre counts as one big movie, then....
1 Disney Princess films 2 Star Wars Saga 3 LOTR Trilogy
(Sorry if it's cheating!!)

17.Why did you join this community?
I don't want to feel alone anymore. I want to know i am not alone...
May i also add, i'm 27 years old.

Current Mood: sleepyzzzzzzz
27 June 2011 @ 03:09 pm
It's odd, but I just had another revelation about myself as a child. Namely, that all my imaginary friends were apparently tied to a specific city, and every time we moved, the imaginary friends got left behind. I don't know why. Anyone else have this?
22 April 2011 @ 08:39 am
How I eat my M&Ms:
24 March 2011 @ 01:55 am
I've been playing around on this site for the last hour or so, it's so cool. Loads of different kinds of dolls one can make!

30 November 2010 @ 12:42 am
Got an ad today from a trusted site with something actually useful: free printable coloring pages for kids! http://www.freeprintable.net/#kids
04 November 2010 @ 07:34 pm
This is relevant because one of the styles, the Molly style, is done by my inner child, molly_elizabeth. And you could get a portrait of yourself as the real kid you were, or the kid you want to be, if you're a little. Bigs can get portraits of their littles if said littles consent to it.

There was a time, a year or so back, that I tried cyberfunded creativity, with my Ye Olde Goldyn Appyl Presse newspaper. I was in a bad mindset at the time, probably part of why I didn't have much success. Might do YOGAP again at some point. But for now, I'll start with something smaller.

What I'm offering is this: a portrait of you. I don't promise much, I'm not great at drawing from reality. So it'll be a simple $1. And you can get either realistic style, or "Molly" style. Details below.

You can donate here.

Teal deer version: Realistic style or Molly style, just $1, primarily digital done on graphics tablet. View links below for examples of each. Some freebies included if you help spread the word in your blog(s). Extra cost if you want real-media drawing(s). Details below.


1. You can send me a digital photo of either yourself as you are or as you wish to be, from which to attempt a realistic picture of you, or do one in "Molly" style. Molly being my inner child, she draws like a child. Though she's a really good artist for 7 years old. Here is an example of Molly's style. So if you go with that style, you'll not just be getting a picture of you, but she'll probably be in it too, and there will be lots of happy animals and little details like people in the background, fairy rings, fairies, etc. All that for just $1!

2. No nudity please, unless you want to pay an extra dollar. :-D (Because whether I did a nude in my own style or in Molly's, she would doubtless be giggling madly the whole time.)

3. Pictures will be done on either Paint or GIMP with my graphics tablet, you can specify which if you have a preference (but I haven't tried Molly style in GIMP yet, no idea if it looks any good). Or I can do something in real media (pencils, paper, crayon, etc), and scan the picture to send you the digital copy, for an extra $1. Or I can do it in real media and send you the original, which would cost $3 total. (Gotta pay for shipping.) People purchasing real-media originals must include their mailing address in the special instructions.

4. If you go digital, I can either email it to you, post it in a comment, or post it on my LJ/DW. Whichever way you prefer to get it, let me know if you're okay with me sharing it on LJ and DW, because I like showing these things off. If you're not okay with that, let me know that as well. It's no big deal for me either way.

5. All options (style, which program I use, drawing in real media, etc) and your email/LJ or DW username, should be mentioned in the special instructions when you donate, since I suck at names, and I suck worse at connecting names to usernames.

6. Each additional person in a picture is an extra $1 for realistic style, a mere extra 50 cents for Molly style. Pets are free in either style. (Unless it's a picture of *just* a pet, then it's $1.)

7. I'll throw in a free printable bookmark version of the portrait (or, in case of buying a real-media original, an actual bookmark version) if you post a link to this post in your LJ or DW to help spread the word. Just send me the link to your pingback post in the special instructions when you donate.

8. People who know me in person can just give me cash for this if it's convenient. And they also get a discount on getting the original of a real-media picture, paying only $2 to own said original.

9. If you buy a Molly version, feel free to offer suggestions in the special instructions of little details to add, or setting (like tea party, playground, etc). I can't guarantee I'll be able to do, say, certain animals justice, but I will try my best.

10. For an extra 25 cents, I will include an icon version, probably a close-up.

11. People buying real-media originals can get digital copies (including icon) for an extra 50 cents. This is due to the difficulty of getting a proper scan.

12. On real-media originals, the size is (I think) 8 by 10. I do have bigger paper than that, though I forgot what size it is. Upgrades to larger paper will be free if you pass on the word in your blogs, or 25 cents otherwise.

13. Please allow a day or two for digital-only. Contact me if it takes longer than 2 days. Please allow as much as a week for real-media, and contact me if it takes longer than a week. Large orders will take more time. I will update everyone if, by some miracle, I get swamped with orders and need more time.

That is all!